One of my reasons for starting ellen Living was to have a place to discuss more personal issues and topics and keep my Confessions of an Infomaniac centered more on technology and Internet topics. Well, here I am…what to talk about…oh, there is this post over at Monk at Work asking, What Would Make You a Better Person?  Thank you Adam for giving me a jumping off point.

Who am I?

The past few years I have retreated more and more into my own world and not socializing as much as I would like.  Some of my retreat is due to health issues, some of it due to settling into a rut of “comfortability” in my own small world.  I feel safe in my little world.  The problem is that I am not growing, changing and evolving.

Since 1990 I have lived with a chronic illness called fibromyalgia.  In 1993 I left my career of being Administration & Circulation Manager for a group of newspapers and tried to work part-time for a couple of people.  It didn’t work out very well back then.  What I really needed was to get my illness under control.  It took time.  I went back to school for a while and then started working again about 10 to 12 hours a week for a couple who understand my limitations. 

I’ve had my ups and downs though, some really low points where depression took over because I wanted to be that Type A person I once was and each time I tried to return to the world of the “living” being smacked back down with a flare up of symptoms from the fibromyalgia.  At the end of 2000 I finally got the help I needed to get the depression under control and start to rebuild.  The person I once was, that I wanted to still be died and the person I am today began to emerge.

After a few years of hard work rebuilding my self-confidence and find that I am worthy of living I found this comfortable place that I exist in today.  I do most of my work at home, though sometimes I work out of the couple’s home office.  I have become companion to my father since my mother died in 2004 and help him out when he needs it and he returns the favor when I am not doing well.  Last year I started my site Infomania World and started learning about the world of blogging.  It has only been recently that I have made contact with other bloggers and I am going to SOBCon in Chicago in a week (I can’t wait).

My life today is spent a great deal at home, either on the computer or lying in bed watching television and movies.  That has been the pattern of the last year except for the summer when I would go to the pool a lot during the day.  I am not unhappy with my life.  As I say I am comfortable, basically content.  People are welcome to come and visit, call, send me an email.  Come and pick me up and take me out.  But getting out on my own has been difficult.  Health wise it hasn’t been a great year either.  I have accepted that.  So, how do I become a better person?

Where am I needing some evolution?

That’s a big question that Adam asks.  Listening to my heart I know the answers.  I visualize that person and know that I am her, I just need to get uncomfortable for a time so that I may emerge.

• My heart tells me to stop existing and start living.  How appropriate that I started this blog ellen Living.  I was thinking more of Martha Stewart Living when I came up with the title but my blog title is no accident, it was my heart crying out.
• My heart tells me to connect with people in the world.  I can do that through blogging, by going to Chicago but I also need to rebuild a social network of being with people face to face.  My friends and family don’t understand me when I talk about blogging or web 2.0 and the changing world of the Internet.  I need to seek out people close to home that do.  Chicago is a step in the right direction.
• My heart tells me to start now.  And, that is what I am doing with this post.  It is not a comfortable post, especially on a blog with only 3 other posts.  I am being vulnerable and that is scary.  It’s easy to hide behind the technophile, the Infomaniac.  It’s much harder to reveal my weaknesses.  One of the reasons I was able to write this post is because of Wendy’s post, Can You Be Vulnerable and Still Run a Business? over at eMoms at Home.  Thank you Wendy.

And, thank you once again Adam.  My heart has spoken.  I know what I need to do to become a better person.  My affirmation is: I am living a full and rewarding life.  Amen.